Surviving the Pandemic Holidays: Reflections of an Aspiring Yogi

Growing up in a home rife with mental illness made the holidays less than enjoyable.  As a small child with no real control in a completely chaotic, highly charged and emotional atmosphere, I learned to hate Christmas. 

It brought with me into adulthood my complete disdain for anything holiday themed. The nightmares would start at the beginning of November as I would become short tempered and immensely sad. I would isolate and hide out at home when I wasn’t expected at work. I would dodge parties and family gatherings like there was NO tomorrow. 

The Grinch was always my hero, post-stealing Christmas and pre-change of heart. 

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Most people have heightened levels of stress at Christmas for some reason or another. 

This holiday season we face the added difficulty of social distancing, isolation, and financial instability - even people who love Christmas are struggling. Tensions are so much higher this year. Everyday we are faced with a new brand of little stressors that collectively wear on each soul differently.

I can’t express to you how grateful I am for the tools and wisdom that my yoga practice offers me daily. I cannot begin to explain the drastic shift that takes place within me the moment I embody that practice. 

What does that look like? 

Simply put: being present. 

Noticing all of the ways I’m affected. Noticing the good and noticing the bad. 

It turns out I don’t actually hate everything about Christmas. I love baking. I love gifting. I love wrapping presents. I love all of the twinkling lights. I lean into these enjoyments. I bake so much! I give almost all of it away. I go for walks late in the evening to check out the lights in different neighbourhoods. In years past my friends would reach out to me to do all of their wrapping. I love all of this. These tiny acts bring me great joy.

I became very aware of the things I don’t enjoy. I began to reflect on the things that caused me anxiety and the way some aspects elicit a negative response. I dug deep. Why was I experiencing these things? How was I experiencing these things? What exactly did they feel like? Are these feelings real? Am I reacting to a perceived situation or an actual situation?

I realized (independent of the holidays) that I need to come back to myself in order to function as a whole person. I need meditation. I need vigorous exercise. I need hatha yoga. I need solitude. I am extremely introverted. Your needs may look different than mine. What’s important, is that you’re able to identify your needs and then meet them.

During the holiday season I sit (meditate) longer than usual. I schedule more time for myself. I find myself actively practicing self-compassion. I make sure to recognize the humanity in everyone around me. I know others have different expectations than I do and I recognize that I won’t be able to meet everyone’s expectations. These are big things. 

I strive to be present in every moment. I strive to sit with the bad as long as I sit with the good. I strive to let go of expectations and recognize this moment for exactly what it is: this moment. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

When we let go of the stories we’ve concocted in our head and open ourselves up to exactly what is, possibilities abound. But this is a practice, this is something that takes time, patience and cultivation.

If you’re interested in joining me on my journey I would be delighted to have you in my weekly classes , workshops, and online community.